


I Refuse

by truthtakestime



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Dreams, Gen, Insecurity, Nightmares, demons of the past, struggles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-31
Updated: 2012-12-31
Packaged: 2017-11-23 02:06:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/616877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/truthtakestime/pseuds/truthtakestime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Demons from her past rise up to haunt her, overpowering. They are a wild beast that cannot be tamed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Refuse

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of those “two in the morning” fics that just HAPPEN sometimes, and you have no idea why the pen is suddenly flying across your paper, and the words are making sense, sort of ;). Apparently, I enjoy giving Vala a good mental whumping now and again. It's a bit darker and more serious than she's generally portrayed, but we have seen that she CAN actually be quite serious and deeply affected by things, and that's the part of her I chose to accentuate.

“You should listen to me you know, Vala. Daddy knows what's best!”

Voices swirl around endlessly in Vala's head, pulsing and pounding like some sort of living thing pressing against her skull. She winces, squeezing her eyes shut against the barrage. The pressure rises. 

“Your mother is gone, I am in charge now. Your father has dumped you on me, and you must do as I say.”

Demons from her past rise up to haunt her. Her pulse thrums through under her skin as the voices resonate through her body, overpowering. 

“You needn't bother to fight me, human. I am a goddess. With your exceptional body, I will become great indeed.”

Tears press against her eyelids as the voices grow louder still and the pain increases, rippling through her. It is a great wild beast and it cannot be tamed. Sweat rolls off her skin and her body shakes. 

“How can I trust you, Vala? All you've ever done is lie to me. Leave, I don't want you here.” 

_No._ She shakes her head. 

“Embrace the teachings of Origin, love. Blessed are those who walk the path in unison.”

It's becoming harder now to hold herself together. _I will not._

“Look at yourself, mother. You don't belong with them. You have no true friends in this universe; I am all you have. Come with me, mother.” 

“Come with me.” 

“Obey me.” 

“Listen to me.” 

_“I refuse!”_ Vala screams, fighting back against the onslaught of ghosts who seek to undo her. She grabs back the threads of unraveling self and pulls hard, reclaiming the thoughts that they have no right to. _“I refuse.”_

She gives one final jerk and falls back into herself. Her body jolts straight up in bed, and her hair is a raven mane. Her eyes snap open wide and she scans the dark room, but the ghosts are gone and all that she can hear is the tick of a watch and her own labored breathing. She is alone, with nothing but the echoes of her past rattling around in her head. “I _refuse_ ,” she whispers, the words sounding weak and watery in the darkness. She throws it a defiant glare, and her voice is stronger next time. _“I refuse to give in.”_

fin.


End file.
